We’re delighted to have Contance Ray, the founder of Recovery Well, back on our blog exploring addiction.  In her previous blog  Constance provided tips on how to get back on track after substance abuse relapse and in today’s blog Constance focuses on dealing with a spouse’s addiction.

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Being married to someone with addiction can be one of life’s unexpected challenges. The road to recovery requires mutual commitment and support, and may be punctuated by difficulties and upheaval. However, it can be worth it, and both you and your loved one can come through this stronger and healthier.

Get Treatment

 When your relationship is exposed to addiction, its negative influences can harm married life. Its destabilizing effects can erode trust, happiness and leave a relationship in tatters. Without addressing addiction, the strains can grow and the situation worsens, especially if a mutually destructive cycle of blame and conflict develops. That’s why it’s crucial to urge your partner to accept treatment.

Your spouse’s treatment can be multifaceted, involving group and individual therapies, and can be complemented by support groups. It won’t be easy discussing addiction, so do so with tact and empathy and when your partner’s sober. Encourage them to visit a professional and offer to be with them to discuss their options. Affirming your commitment can be highly motivating. Treatment can give your spouse techniques to help overcome addiction and maintain sobriety. It may also offer some of the building blocks to heal marriage, and encourage self-care.

Move Forward Together

 Dealing with addiction can be a complex process, but the negativity and strain can be reduced. Some form of counseling or couples therapy may be the best approach to giving your marriage a safe environment to heal and repair. You and your partner will have the opportunity to identity issues and develop solutions to them. Addiction doesn’t happen overnight. A counselor can give insights into its origins, and restore communication and trust.

In the process, you may gain coping mechanisms and stress management techniques that can help your spouse, and yourself, minimize problems faced in the future. Counseling may be discomforting. Acknowledging each other’s struggles, and identifying harmful behavioral patterns won’t be easy. Yet creating lines of communication may go a long way to repairing some of the damage and hopefully bring you both emotionally closer as you move forward together.

Protect Finances

 A healthy marriage depends on stability, on savings and good credit, but addiction can leave finances in a parlous state. This can be a huge source of conflict, so it’s prudent to protect assets. Try to involve your spouse in the process every step of the way, and discuss with them the various options. Gently reassure them of your love and that you want what is best for the relationship. A financial plan will be essential to rebuilding depleted assets, and managing future expenses, such as your spouse’s recovery.

There are websites and apps that can give financial overviews and allow you to bring expenses under control. Set goals as well, either to pay off debts, or to look forward to things that you and your partner can work towards attaining. This can act as an incentive for recovery and give focus if temptation ever arises.

Lastly, consider separate accounts for savings and household expenses to ensure neither are adversely impacted. It’s a sensitive topic, but one which can provide additional security for both you and your spouse.

Think Future

 Looking forward is essential when facing addiction. It’s an ongoing condition, so focus on short and long-term goals, and emphasize smaller, manageable achievements. This can be a more forgiving gauge of progress that may mitigate frustrations and discouragement. Sometimes, however, the strain that addiction places on a marriage may be irreparable. You may come to the conclusion that your marriage has become unbearably toxic. There can be plenty of reasons for this, such as your partner not being committed to recovery, or their actions becoming unacceptably destructive to your life. Your welfare takes precedence over saving a relationship. If you have children, they too must come before a deteriorating home life.

Addiction’s impact on marriage can be overcome. It will require working together to heal and better understand each other’s struggles. No matter what happens to your marriage, your experiences will hopefully enable you both to be able to lead healthier and happier lives post-treatment.